The story starts here - Bryce and Lucas start playing Valorant for fun, then give each other their accounts to play. After, Lucas decides to stay up all night and grind Bryce's account to silver. However, at 12am he had already lost two games with Bryce being sufficiently mad at him. During that time, Bryce poured all his hatred against Lucas at that time into this book. Unfortunately, he did not stay up late enough to finish chapter 9, and Lucas continued to vigorously play on Bryce's account till 5 o'clock in the morning, finishing with a net loss of 54 rr. Due to this mishaps, even I, a person who does NOT play Valorant daily, had a higher rr than Bryce. For context, rr is a rating measure used in Valorant that scales every single player's skill level.

Chapter 1 - Disappointment 

The Disappointment of Watching My Friend Lose on My Valorant Account

Playing Valorant, like any competitive game, requires teamwork, strategy, and a fair amount of skill. But sometimes, when you let someone else play on your account—especially a close friend—you’re taking a bit of a risk. For me, this experiment took a serious toll on my patience and rank. It wasn’t that I expected my friend to play perfectly, but I had trusted him to at least maintain my rank, uphold my stats, and play with the same level of intensity that I bring to the game. What ended up happening was an almost heartbreaking experience that left me reconsidering both his gaming abilities and, honestly, some parts of our friendship.

The first time he asked to play on my account, I was excited. I thought it could be a fun way for us to bond; I knew he enjoyed the game, and I wanted to share my progress with him. I should have known better when I noticed how quickly he brushed off any mention of my stats or rank, instead focusing on how much “fun” he was going to have. Valorant, of course, is fun. But for players who have put in hours, built strategies, and fought for every rank-up, it’s more than just a casual game. There’s pride in the progress, and each win or loss has meaning. In hindsight, his attitude should have been the first red flag.

Initially, I tried not to worry too much about his performance. I knew that, like anyone, he might need time to get a feel for my settings, or adjust to my character loadout preferences. But the losses kept piling up. It wasn’t just a few defeats here and there—it was an avalanche. Almost every time he played, I’d log back in to see yet another string of losses. Each notification felt like a punch to the gut, a visual representation of my hard work slipping away because he wasn’t taking my account seriously. One of the most frustrating parts of this experience was how nonchalantly he’d react when I brought it up. He’d laugh it off, saying things like, “Hey, it’s just a game!” or “You’ll bounce back in no time.” But to me, it wasn’t just a game. I’d invested hours into building my rank, practicing my aim, studying maps, and refining strategies. For him to treat my account as a place to mess around with no regard for my hard work felt incredibly disrespectful. It wasn’t only my rank on the line; it was the sense of accomplishment and the pride I took in my gameplay that was eroding with each loss.

What added salt to the wound was the way he played. When I watched a few of his matches, I saw a lack of teamwork and coordination that I never expected from him. Valorant is a game that rewards communication and tactical decisions; it’s not enough to rush in with guns blazing. But that’s exactly what he did. Time and again, he’d abandon strategy, ignore teammates, and play recklessly, only to get picked off early in the round. It was clear he was prioritizing having a good time over actually trying to win, and this was infuriating to watch. I had given him my account because I thought he respected the game as much as I did. I was wrong.

Every time I opened the game to see my rank slipping further down, I felt a mix of anger, frustration, and even guilt. I questioned why I had let him use my account in the first place. A part of me felt responsible for trusting him with something that mattered to me, and another part felt betrayed that he didn’t take my investment in the game seriously. Each loss was a reminder that my trust had been misplaced, and it left me questioning his commitment not just to the game, but to respecting things that are important to me.

Over time, I tried to talk to him about it. I explained how much the game and my progress meant to me and how disheartening it was to see my rank drop because of his careless gameplay. I wanted him to understand that while he might see the game as a pastime, for me, it was a passion, something I worked at with dedication. I hoped that by talking it out, he might realize the impact his actions were having. But even these conversations didn’t seem to reach him. He would apologize briefly, promise to “do better next time,” and then fall back into the same pattern of losing matches and joking about it afterward.

The hardest part about this experience has been the toll it’s taken on our friendship. I never wanted a game to come between us, but it’s difficult to ignore how deeplyhis actions have disappointed me. It’s not just about the lost rank or the poor stats; it’s about a lack of respect for something I care about. Trusting him with my account was an act of friendship, a way of sharing a part of my gaming life with him. Instead, it ended up revealing a side of him that I hadn’t seen before—a side that doesn’t prioritizemy values or understand the importance of respecting another person’s efforts.

Reflecting on all of this, I’ve come to understand that sometimes it’s better to keep personal achievements personal. Not everyone will value the things you do, and that’s okay. But when someone’s disregard actively diminishes your hard work, it’s a lesson in setting boundaries. I realized that there’s a difference between sharing experiences and sharing responsibility. In the future, I’ll be more cautious about who I allow to engage with things that hold meaning for me. Whether it’s a game or any other pursuit, it’s important to protect the things you care about from those who may not fully appreciate their value.

In conclusion, the experience of watching my friend repeatedly lose on my Valorant account has taught me valuable lessons—not only about the game but also about the importance of respect in friendships. A true friend understands the value of things that matter to you, even if they might not share the same level of passion. I’m still hopeful that he’ll come to understand why this hurt me, but in the meantime, I’m focusing on rebuilding my rank and recovering from this unexpected disappointment. Going forward, I’ll make sure that the things I’ve worked hard for remain in the hands of those who understand their importance.

Chapter 2 - Frustration

The Frustration of Watching a Friend Lose on My Valorant Account: A Tale of Disappointment, Friendship, and Lessons Learned

Gaming, for many, is more than a pastime—it’s a passion. It requires dedication, skill, and often a significant time investment to progress in competitive games like Valorant. For players like me, there’s an undeniable sense of pride in each rank achieved, each skill mastered, and each strategic play honed through hours of practice. This pride is why it can be both thrilling and nerve-wracking to allow someone else to play on your account, especially when that someone is a friend you trust. I recently went through this experience, and it turned into a frustrating lesson in disappointment and friendship. This essay explores that experience, from the initial excitement of sharing my progress with a friend to the disappointment that followed, and ultimately, the lessons I learned about trust, respect, and boundaries.

The Context: Valorant, Competitive Gaming, and My Hard Work

First, to understand my disappointment, it’s essential to appreciate what playing Valorant means to me.

Valorant is not just a game; it’s a competitive environment that rewards strategy, teamwork, and individual skill. Every rank achieved is an emblem of hard work, representing hours of practice, countless wins, and an ever-growing mastery of tactics and mechanics. In Valorant, ranks are not handed out lightly—they are earned. Reaching higher ranks, maintaining positive stats, and honing a consistent level of performance is the product of dedication and passion.

Over time, I put in hours of practice to refine my skills, from map awareness and crosshair placement to strategic decision-making. I built my rank patiently, advancing level by level. Alongside improving my aim and reaction times, I focused on understanding team dynamics, learning how to communicate effectively, and even studying how opponents play to gain an edge. This dedication led me to a rank I was genuinely proud of, and the satisfaction I felt with every hard-earned win was something I valued deeply.

So, when my friend asked to play on my account, I was both excited and hesitant. On the one hand, I saw it as a bonding opportunity, a chance to share something I was passionate about with someone close to me. On the other, I knew that allowing someone else to play on my account could put my progress and my hard-earned rank at risk. After some internal debate, I ultimately decided to trust him. I assumed he’d approach the game with the same care and focus that I had. Unfortunately, this assumption proved wrong, leading to a deep and unexpected disappointment.

The Early Signs: Casual Attitude and the First Losses

The very first sign of trouble came when he mentioned how much “fun” he was going to have with my account. Of course, Valorant is a game, and games are supposed to be fun, but in competitive gaming, there’s a balance. “Fun” doesn’t mean recklessness or disregard for progress—it’s the reward you feel when hard work pays off. My friend, however, seemed to take “fun” to mean casual play, ignoring the strategic focus and teamwork required to win.

 Initially, I tried to dismiss my worries. Maybe he just needed some time to get used to my settings, or perhaps he’d be more careful after he got a feel for my account. But after he played a few games, I started noticing a pattern. Every time I logged back into my account, I was met with a string of losses. It wasn’t just one or two matches; it was a consistent series of defeats that began to push my rank down and skew my stats. Each time I saw my rank slipping, it felt like a small piece of my progress was being chipped away. What made it worse was how casually he reacted when I brought it up. His response was typically a laugh or a dismissive comment, like, “It’s just a game, chill out!” But to me, it wasn’t just a game; it was a journey, a reflection of my effort and commitment.

Chapter 3 - Piling up the Frustration

The Frustration Builds: Reckless Play and Lack of Teamwork

As the losses piled up, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to watch him play a match. What I saw was disheartening, to say the least. Instead of the cautious, calculated playstyle I’d expected, he rushed into battles, ignoring basic strategies and dismissing team coordination entirely. In

Valorant, a game that demands precision and synergy with teammates, he was treating it like an arcade

shooter. He seemed more focused on achieving flashy kills than on securing the team’s objectives or considering his impact on my account’s standing.

Watching him ignore teammates’ advice, play carelessly, and disregard the tactics that make Valorant such a strategic game was infuriating. His approach not only hurt my rank but also made me question his respect for my investment in the game. It felt as though he viewed my account as nothing more than a casual experience, something to play around with for a few hours rather than a reflection of my effort and dedication. This disregard for the value of my hard work was at the core of my growing disappointment.

The Impact: Losing Rank and Damage to My Stats

One of the most tangible consequences of my friend’s actions was the drop in my rank. Rank in Valorant isn’t just a number; it represents the level of skill and consistency you’ve achieved. Losing rank meant that I was, in essence, backtracking on all the hard work I’d put into progressing in the game. I had to watch as my achievements unraveled, not because of my own mistakes or failures, but because of someone else’s careless actions.

Additionally, the impact on my stats was another painful blow. Stats are often a reflection of a player’s growth and improvement over time. Seeing mine tank due to his losses was frustrating because it altered the profile I had carefully built up. My record, which once reflected my dedication, was now peppered with losses and lower performance metrics, affecting not only my gameplay but also how other players might perceive me in future matches.

Talking It Out: Conversations with My Friend

Eventually, I realized nah I’d lose elo

Chapter 4 - Disappointment, yet again

The Disappointment of Being Called the Wrong Name: A Reflection on Identity and Friendship

Names carry significant weight—they are a key part of our identity, a marker of individuality, and a way to distinguish ourselves from others. When someone calls us by the wrong name, even if it’s a simple mix-up, it can feel oddly personal. My name, Riceduck, has been a moniker I chose and grew attached to, representing something unique about me. So, when a friend mistakenly called me “Duckrice,” the slip felt surprisingly disappointing. It wasn’t just the mistake itself, but the realization that someone close to me hadn’t noticed or fully acknowledged the small details that I thought defined me. This essay explores the complex feelings that arose from that moment, the significance of names, and the underlying importance of recognition and understanding in friendships.

The Importance of a Name: Identity and Personal Meaning

My name, Riceduck, might sound quirky or unusual to some, but it’s a name that I chose intentionally. It’s a blend of things that resonate with me personally. The imagery of “rice” and “duck” might seem arbitrary, but to me, it reflects certain characteristics and interests that I identify with—simplicity and a touch of humor. Like many people, I take pride in my chosen name, because it represents an identity I’ve crafted for myself in the online world. It’s more than just a username; it’s a persona, a way of representing who I am to others, especially to friends.

 Names are often one of the most immediate forms of self-expression. They carry a sense of individuality and, when chosen by ourselves, can reflect our personality, our interests, or even certain aspirations. When someone remembers and uses our name correctly, it shows they recognize and acknowledge that identity. On the other hand, when they get it wrong, especially if it’s someone we know well, it can feel like a small betrayal of that identity. For me, “Riceduck” is more than a label—it’s a part of how I want others, particularly friends, to see me.

The Disappointment: From “Riceduck” to “Duckrice”

The first time my friend called me “Duckrice,” I brushed it off as a minor mistake. After all, names can be easy to mix up, and “duck” and “rice” are in the same name—they’re just swapped. I assumed he’d correct himself, realizing that he’d gotten it wrong, but he didn’t. In fact, he continued to refer to me as “Duckrice” without a second thought. Each time he did, it was like a small, invisible pang of frustration, growing a little bit each time. I found myself surprised by how much it bothered me. After all, it’s just a name, right?

But the frustration wasn’t just about the swapped words. It was about the implication that he hadn’t taken the time to notice or remember something important to me. It might sound trivial, but names hold a personal significance, especially in online spaces where our chosen name is often one of the primary ways we present ourselves. Every time he got it wrong, it felt as though he hadn’t truly paid attention to the way I chose to represent myself. Over time, the misnaming didn’t just feel like a mistake—it felt like a disregard for something I valued about my own identity.

Why It Mattered So Much: Recognition and Respect in Friendship

Friends, especially those we’re close to, are the people we expect to know us the best. They’re the ones we share our thoughts, jokes, and pieces of our personality with, expecting a level of understanding and recognition in return. So, when a friend overlooks a detail that feels significant to us, it can create a feeling of disconnection. In this case, being called “Duckrice” instead of “Riceduck” symbolized more than just a name mix-up; it was an indication that something I thought mattered to him didn’t actually register.

A friendship is built on mutual recognition and respect. When someone remembers the little things about us, like our favorite food or our preferred nickname, it signals that they care enough to pay attention. These small acts of recognition make us feel seen and valued. When those details go unnoticed or are dismissed, it can feel like a sign that our individuality is being overlooked. I found myself questioning how much my friend truly understood or respected the aspects of my identity that I shared with him.

The disappointment wasn’t just in the name itself, but in what the mistake represented. I felt that my friend’s inability to remember or care about my chosen name reflected a lack of attentiveness to who I am. It made me wonder if he was truly seeing me as an individual, or if he saw me in a more casual or indifferent light. That small mix-up of words, “Duckrice” instead of “Riceduck,” became a symbol of a deeper feeling—that maybe our friendship wasn’t as close as I’d hoped.

Reflecting on Why the Name Mattered

Names are deeply personal, and many people are protective of how they are addressed, particularly in spaces where we choose names to reflect our personality or interests. For example, people in gaming communities, online forums, or creative spaces often select names that embody their personality or aesthetic. When friends consistently get those names right, it shows a level of acknowledgment and respect for that chosen identity. But when they don’t, it can feel like a dismissal of something that matters.

In reflecting on why my name meant so much to me, I realized that “Riceduck” represented a part of myself that I wanted to share with others. It wasn’t just a random string of words; it was a playful, meaningful choice that I felt defined my personality in a unique way. To me, “Riceduck” was a mix of simplicity and lightheartedness, and it represented how I wanted others to perceive me—someone who values small, quirky aspects of life and finds joy in seemingly ordinary things.

The Deeper Impact on Our Friendship

After some time, I decided to bring up the name mistake to my friend. I tried to explain why “Riceduck” mattered to me and why being called “Duckrice” felt, in a way, disrespectful. His reaction, however, was unexpected. He laughed, dismissing my feelings by saying, “It’s just a name.” This response hurt more than the original mistake because it showed that he didn’t understand why I was bothered by it. To him, it was an insignificant error, something not worth taking seriously. But to me, it was a moment where I’d hoped for understanding and empathy from a friend, only to be met with indifference.

This reaction deepened my disappointment. It became clear that he didn’t fully grasp the importance of recognition and respect in our friendship. It wasn’t about the name itself, but about what remembering and using my correct name symbolized—paying attention to what mattered to me. When he brushed off my feelings, it left me feeling as though my identity and my sense of self were being minimized in his eyes. It became a moment of realization that maybe our friendship wasn’t built on the same level of understanding and attentiveness that I’d thought.

Lessons Learned: Setting Boundaries and Protecting What Matters

Through this experience, I learned an important lesson about the significance of boundaries and the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who respect the small details that matter to us. Friendships thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and appreciation for each other’s quirks, identities, and preferences. If someone can’t appreciate the small things that are meaningful to us, it can be a sign that they may not fully value or understand us.

I realized that it’s okay to expect friends to respect the things that define us, even if those things seem minor or unimportant to others. Setting boundaries around what matters is essential, not only for self- respect but also for fostering relationships where each person feels valued. If something as small as a name holds meaning, then it deserves to be acknowledged. Friends who genuinely care will understand and make the effort to get it right.

Moving Forward: Embracing Self-Respect and Understanding Friendships

Moving forward, I’ve embraced a new perspective on self-respect and friendship. I understand now that it’s not selfish to expect recognition and respect for the things that matter to us. It’s an essential part of self-respect and ensuring that we cultivate relationships with people who value us for who we are. In the future, I’ll make sure to express why certain things, even seemingly small ones, matter to me. I’ll seek friendships with people who are attentive, empathetic, and understanding, even when it comes to details like my name.

In conclusion, the experience of being called “Duckrice” instead of “Riceduck” became a moment of unexpected self-reflection. Though it seemed minor, it revealed the significance of recognition, respect, and attentiveness in friendships. Names may be small, but they carry weight as symbols of our identity. This experience taught me that even small details deserve respect and that true friendships are built on mutual recognition and understanding. It’s through these realizations that I can move forward with a better sense of self-respect and a clearer understanding of the kind of friendships I want to nurture.

Chapter 5 - Disappointments of my friends laugh at my essay

The Disappointment of Seeing My Friend Laugh at My Meaningful Essay About His Actions in Valorant Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and understanding difficult experiences. When I decided to write an essay about my frustration with a friend who’d been playing on my Valorant account and repeatedly losing, I aimed to use writing as a way to organize my feelings and reflect on the impact of his actions. This essay wasn’t merely a way to vent; it was a genuine attempt to convey how I felt, explore why his behavior was affecting me so deeply, and hopefully gain a deeper understanding of the friendship.

The essay delved into the trust I had placed in him, the frustration of seeing my carefully built rank fall, and the sense of betrayal that had crept in as his actions continued despite my requests for him to be more mindful. When he agreed to read the essay, I hoped he’d understand the sincerity behind my words. I expected him to acknowledge the disappointment I felt and recognize the impact his actions had on our friendship. Instead, he laughed at the essay, treating it as a joke. That reaction stung in a way I hadn’t anticipated, transforming what was already a complex situation into one filled with deeper disappointment and frustration. This essay explores why his reaction hurt so much, the implications it had for our friendship, and the lessons I took from the experience.

Writing as a Way to Process Emotions

The essay I wrote was born from a need to organize my emotions. Seeing my friend repeatedly lose on my account was more than just frustrating; it felt like a violation of trust. Valorant is a game that requires time, skill, and dedication to rank up, and I had put in hours of effort to achieve a certain level.

 Allowing my friend to play on my account was an act of trust—I assumed he’d take it seriously and respect the effort I had put into the game. When he began losing repeatedly and seemed indifferent about it, I felt a mix of anger, disappointment, and hurt.

Writing the essay allowed me to process these feelings more constructively than simply confronting him in anger. I wanted to make sure he understood that my frustration wasn’t just about the game itself, but about the broader implications of his actions. The essay was an attempt to express the value I placed on my efforts, the trust I had extended to him, and the disappointment I felt when he disregarded all of that.

The Expectations of Sharing Vulnerability

Deciding to share the essay with him was not an easy choice. It required a level of vulnerability that I don’t often embrace, especially about something as seemingly trivial as a video game. But for me, Valorant was more than just a game; it was an investment of my time and dedication, something I took pride in. The essay revealed these feelings, attempting to explain why his actions had impacted me so deeply. I wanted him to see things from my perspective, to understand that my frustration wasn’t about a single loss but about the broader pattern of disrespect and carelessness.

By sharing the essay, I hoped he would take my words seriously, recognizing the thoughtfulness behind

my expression and the courage it took to open up in this way. I expected him to acknowledge my feelings, perhaps apologize or at least show understanding. His reaction, however, was far from what I had anticipated.

The Moment of Disappointment: Seeing Him Laugh

When he began reading the essay, I could tell that he wasn’t taking it seriously. The casual smirk on his face hinted at amusement rather than understanding, and soon enough, he was laughing at parts that held significant meaning for me. The moments I had spent carefully choosing words to describe my frustration and disappointment were dismissed with a chuckle. He found humor in the fact that I cared so much about the game and laughed off my references to trust and respect.

That laughter cut deep. It wasn’t just that he didn’t understand—it was that he didn’t care enough to try. His reaction felt dismissive and disrespectful, as though he viewed my feelings as trivial. What had been an attempt to bridge a gap in understanding turned into a painful reminder that he didn’t value my perspective or my emotions. His laughter seemed to imply that my feelings were unimportant, that my frustration was just an overreaction, and that he had no intention of acknowledging the impact his actions had on me.

Why His Reaction Hurt So Much

The pain I felt from his reaction went beyond the issue of the game. His laughter felt like a rejection of my vulnerability, a dismissal of my attempt to communicate honestly and openly. I had put in the effort to articulate my feelings carefully, aiming to avoid confrontation and instead foster understanding. But his reaction revealed a lack of empathy and a disregard for the emotional weight of my words. It was as

though he was telling me, indirectly, that my feelings didn’t matter and that my experiences weren’t worth his consideration.

Moreover, his response made me feel foolish for having opened up. I began to doubt the validity of my own feelings, wondering if perhaps I was overreacting or taking things too seriously. His laughter planted seeds of self-doubt, making me question whether my investment in the game, my rank, and even the essay itself were worth caring about. It was as though he had dismissed a part of who I was, making me feel as though my dedication and passion were laughable and unworthy of respect.

The Impact on Our Friendship: Questioning Trust and Understanding

In many ways, his reaction forced me to reevaluate our friendship. Trust is a foundational element of any meaningful relationship, and by laughing at my essay, he had broken that trust. It wasn’t simply a matter of him failing to recognize the significance of the game; it was a matter of him disregarding the importance of my feelings and the vulnerability I had shown.

A true friend, I believe, would have taken the time to understand why the situation mattered to me, even if they didn’t personally relate. They would have respected my willingness to share something personal, acknowledging the courage it took to be open and honest. Instead, his laughter made me realize that perhaps he didn’t value our friendship in the same way I did. It left me feeling as though he saw me as less of a person with real emotions and more of a source of entertainment.

Lessons Learned: Protecting Vulnerability and Setting Boundaries

This experience taught me some valuable lessons about vulnerability, boundaries, and the importance of discerning who is worthy of our trust. Vulnerability, as I learned, should be reserved for people who respect and appreciate it. Not everyone will respond with the understanding and empathy we hope for, and it’s essential to recognize who is capable of handling our emotions with care.

After this incident, I realized the importance of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to personal interests and feelings that might not be appreciated by everyone. Just because something is meaningful to me doesn’t mean it will hold the same value for others. Protecting my vulnerability means

being selective with whom I share personal thoughts and experiences, ensuring that I am only open with people who have shown themselves to be empathetic and respectful.

Moving Forward: Embracing Self-Respect and Seeking Genuine Connections

The disappointment I felt after my friend’s reaction forced me to confront certain aspects of self- respect and friendship. I came to understand that my feelings, my dedication, and my passions are valid, regardless of whether others appreciate them. Moving forward, I chose to embrace a new sense of self-respect, recognizing that my emotions are worthy of acknowledgment and understanding. By respecting my own boundaries and valuing my own experiences, I can seek out friendships that reflect genuine connection and mutual respect.

This experience also helped me gain clarity about the types of friendships I want to cultivate. I learned that I want friends who are willing to engage with my interests and emotions seriously, who will honor my vulnerability, and who understand the importance of empathy. Rather than feeling ashamed for caring deeply about something, I came to see it as a strength—a reflection of my commitment, passion, and authenticity.

Conclusion: A Difficult but Meaningful Lesson

The disappointment I felt when my friend laughed at my private essay was a difficult but valuable lesson. It highlighted the importance of empathy, understanding, and respect in friendships, as well as the need to protect my own vulnerability. Through this experience, I gained insight into the qualities that define a meaningful friendship and the importance of surrounding myself with people who value my experiences and emotions.

While the experience was painful, it ultimately provided clarity and a sense of empowerment. By learning to set boundaries and recognize my own worth, I can approach future friendships with a stronger sense of self-respect and a clearer understanding of what I want in meaningful relationships. Though his reaction initially filled me with disappointment, it ultimately led to personal growth, helping me embrace my emotions and passions with confidence and seek out connections that truly honor the value of vulnerability.

Chapter 6 - Not apologizing!

Why I’m Not Apologizing for Laughing at My Meaningful Essay on My Friend Playing (and Losing) on My Valorant Account

Apologies hold an important place in any friendship. When we apologize sincerely, we acknowledge our impact on someone else, demonstrating empathy and respect. Apologies can be especially valuable when one person’s actions or reactions have hurt another. However, there are times when an apology feels unjustified or even counterproductive. In my case, my friend expected me to apologize for laughing at a meaningful essay he wrote about his experience with me losing on his Valorant account. After careful consideration, I believe my reaction, though unintentional, was genuine to my own perspective—and apologizing would compromise the honesty that I believe true friendship should allow.

This essay explores why I feel it’s unnecessary for me to apologize, from recognizing personal intent to understanding boundaries in friendships. I’ll consider the difference between harmful and harmless reactions, explain the importance of honesty in relationships, and outline my reasons for believing that my response doesn’t warrant an apology. This reflection isn’t about disregarding my nigger's feelings but rather about exploring what authenticity and open communication mean in a friendship.

 A Genuine Reaction in an Unintentional Moment

It’s important to acknowledge that my laughter was not intended to hurt or demean my friend. I was initially surprised to receive an essay about the time he entrusted his Valorant account to me and then expressed feelings of disappointment over my performance. While I understand the dedication he had toward the game and the investment he put into reaching his rank, seeing my friend pour so much effort into conveying his frustrations took me by surprise. The situation felt unexpected to me— unintentionally amusing, perhaps because I hadn’t anticipated such seriousness over a game.

When I laughed, it was an honest, spontaneous reaction, not intended to downplay his feelings or dismiss his effort. I respect that writing is a personal and expressive act, especially when conveying frustrations. At the same time, part of friendship involves allowing each other to react honestly, even when those reactions don’t align. In this instance, my laughter wasn’t meant to reject his viewpoint but was simply an instinctive response to the unexpected intensity he had attached to our gaming experience.

Recognizing Boundaries and Personal Perspectives in Friendships

Friendships, at their best, are spaces for mutual support, shared experiences, and open communication. Part of that openness means recognizing that people see situations differently. My friend’s perspective is valid; so is mine. While he poured a lot of energy and emotion into expressing his feelings about the game, my own view of the situation differed. Where he saw the game as a meaningful reflection of his efforts, I viewed it more lightheartedly—a game that, despite the time invested, could be enjoyed and let go of without significant emotional weight.

My friend’s disappointment was real, and I acknowledge that. But, it’s also essential for him to understand my point of view. Just because his reaction was deeply felt doesn’t mean mine has to mirror that. In friendships, allowing each person to express themselves authentically—even when responses diverge—is key to a balanced relationship. Apologizing for my laughter would suggest that his perspective is the only valid one, when, in fact, we each have the right to our own emotional reactions.

The Value of Honesty: Preserving Authenticity over Compliance

Another important reason I’m not apologizing is that doing so would compromise my authenticity. Apologizing, in this case, would feel like a forced act that doesn’t reflect my honest reaction to the situation. In a true friendship, we should feel free to be honest about our feelings, including when our reactions don’t align with each other’s expectations. If I were to apologize, it would be merely to appease him rather than a sincere expression of remorse, which doesn’t contribute to real understanding between us.

Friendship, in my opinion, is not about pretending to feel a certain way or hiding authentic reactions. If I apologize for laughing, I’d be implicitly agreeing that my perspective and reaction were wrong, which isn’t accurate or fair. Apologies should be sincere acknowledgments of wrongdoing, not merely gestures to smooth things over. In this case, laughing wasn’t a deliberate attempt to harm but rather an expression of my genuine feelings about the context of the essay.

Distinguishing Between Harmful and Harmless Reactions

To further understand my choice, it’s helpful to consider the nature of the reaction itself. There’s a difference between reactions that intentionally harm and those that are more benign. Harmful actions are those that have a lasting negative impact, are directed with malice, or have consequences that significantly affect someone’s well-being. My laughter, by contrast, was not meant to hurt or ridicule; it was a reaction to the unexpected seriousness he attached to the essay.

Had I dismissed his entire perspective or made belittling remarks, I would feel a stronger inclination to apologize. But my reaction wasn’t meant to undermine his feelings; it was merely an expression of my surprise. I believe the situation warrants a conversation to discuss our different perspectives rather than an apology that implies wrongdoing.

The Importance of Conversations over Compliance

Instead of apologizing, I believe that having an honest conversation would benefit our friendship more. An apology would only address the symptom, not the core difference in our perspectives. By talking openly, we could reach a better understanding of each other’s viewpoints, and I could express my appreciation for his feelings without compromising my own perspective.

 Through conversation, I can express empathy without needing to apologize. I can acknowledge that I understand his disappointment, while still making it clear that my own perception of the situation is different. This approach preserves the integrity of our friendship, allowing us to understand each other without forcing either of us to betray our true reactions.

Upholding Mutual Respect and Accepting Different Reactions

In healthy friendships, mutual respect is essential. Respect doesn’t require identical perspectives but rather an acceptance that each person’s feelings and responses are legitimate, even when they differ. By not apologizing, I’m not dismissing his feelings. I acknowledge that his disappointment is genuine and understandable. However, I also want him to recognize that my reaction was just as genuine and that my perception of the situation is equally valid.

This experience highlights the need to allow space for individual responses within friendships. My laughter wasn’t a judgment on his emotional investment; it was simply an expression of my own experience and perspective. By not apologizing, I am advocating for a friendship dynamic that respects

and accepts both of our authentic reactions.

Lessons Learned: Balancing Empathy and Authenticity

Reflecting on this experience, I realize that friendship requires a delicate balance between empathy and authenticity. I care about my friend and his feelings, and I don’t wish to hurt him. At the same time, I value my own honesty and the freedom to respond naturally to situations. Apologizing would shift this balance, suggesting that empathy means setting aside one’s own genuine reactions, which I don’t believe to be true.

Instead, I’ve learned that empathy can be expressed without apology. I can show understanding, listen to his feelings, and engage in open dialogue without compromising my own perspective. This approach, in my view, is a healthier way to navigate disagreements and disappointments in friendships. It fosters growth, as we both learn to appreciate the complexity of each other’s reactions without forcing compliance.

Moving Forward: Embracing Honest Communication in Friendships

The decision not to apologize is not about stubbornness or a lack of concern; it’s about building a friendship based on honesty and mutual respect. By not apologizing, I’m advocating for a friendship where each person’s feelings and reactions are allowed to coexist, even when they differ. I believe this approach will create a stronger foundation for our friendship, one that honors both empathy and authenticity.

Moving forward, I hope to communicate openly with my friend about this experience, sharing my perspective and listening to his. I want him to know that I value his feelings, even if my reaction wasn’t what he expected. By fostering honest communication, we can work toward a friendship dynamic that respects our differences while allowing each of us to remain true to ourselves.

Conclusion: Why an Apology Isn’t Necessary

In summary, I believe that apologizing in this situation would compromise the honesty and authenticity I value in my friendships. My laughter was not intended to harm; it was a genuine reaction to a surprising and unexpected situation. Rather than an apology, I believe that a conversation about our perspectives will create a more meaningful understanding between us. This approach respects both my friend’s feelings and my own, preserving the authenticity of our friendship without compromising individual reactions.

In the end, friendships thrive on open dialogue, mutual respect, and the freedom to express our true selves. By choosing not to apologize, I’m advocating for a friendship that values both empathy and authenticity, where different perspectives can coexist without forcing either person to compromise their honest reactions. This approach, I believe, is the key to a lasting and meaningful friendship.

Chapter 7 - A Supportive Friend

The Happiness of Having a Supportive Friend and the Frustration of Dealing with Disregard

Friendship can be a powerful source of both happiness and frustration, depending on the nature of each relationship. Writing an essay to express my feelings about my friend’s behavior while playing on my Valorant account was something that held deep meaning for me. Valorant is a game where ranks and performance reflect a lot of hard work, skill, and dedication. When I trusted Lucas with my account, I expected him to treat it with the same care that I did. However, his actions were disappointing, and my attempts to communicate my feelings through a meaningful essay were met with dismissiveness and disregard. On the other hand, my friend Andrew offered me an entirely different experience—one of empathy, understanding, and genuine support.

In this essay, I will discuss the joy and appreciation I feel for Andrew’s thoughtful response to my essay and being a friend, as well as the contrast with Lucas’s annoying and disrespectful attitude. I’ll explore the importance of having friends who genuinely care about our feelings and the impact it has on our well-being. In contrast, I’ll examine the frustration that arises when someone we trust disregards our emotions, leaving us feeling unheard and disrespected.

The Joy of Feeling Understood: Andrew’s Supportive Reaction

One of the most comforting experiences is knowing that a friend truly cares about how you feel. When Andrew took the time to read my essay thoughtfully, he offered me the validation and understanding I had been hoping for. He didn’t simply read it to humor me or glance through it out of obligation—he read it with genuine interest and empathy. His response made me feel seen and valued, providing a sense of relief and happiness that I wasn’t expecting.

Andrew’s reaction showed that he took my feelings seriously, even though they were about something as seemingly trivial as a video game. He recognized the effort I had put into achieving my rank, the trust I had extended to Lucas, and the disappointment that followed. Andrew’s response wasn’t just about the game; it was about acknowledging the importance of trust and empathy in our friendship. This kind of validation is rare and immensely valuable, making me appreciate his friendship on a deeper level.

The Happiness of Having Someone Who Listens

Having someone who genuinely listens to your thoughts and feelings is one of the greatest sources of happiness in any friendship. When I poured my heart into that essay, I wasn’t just sharing my frustrations; I was sharing my vulnerability, my trust, and my hope for understanding. Knowing that Andrew appreciated this and responded with compassion brought me a profound sense of joy. It reminded me of the importance of having friends who respect our feelings and treat our vulnerabilities with care.

In this world where people often rush through interactions, it’s incredibly refreshing to find someone who listens deeply and with intention. Andrew’s approach reminded me that true friendships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not just shared activities or casual conversations. This sense of happiness I felt because of Andrew’s response goes beyond the game; it speaks to the kind of friendship I want to nurture and celebrate in my life.

The Disappointment and Frustration of Dealing with Lucas’s Reaction

In stark contrast, Lucas’s reaction was dismissive and annoying. While I tried to express my feelings openly and honestly, he seemed more interested in making jokes and brushing off the essay as unimportant. This response hurt not because of the specific words he used but because of the overall attitude he displayed. Rather than acknowledging the impact of his actions, he trivialized my concerns and failed to understand the significance of what I was trying to convey.

Lucas’s behavior wasn’t just frustrating; it felt like a lack of respect for our friendship. I wasn’t asking him to agree with every point I made in the essay or to apologize profusely for losing games. I simply wanted him to recognize how his actions affected me and to show some understanding for the trust I had placed in him. His inability to do so left me feeling as though my feelings didn’t matter, which added an unexpected layer of disappointment to an already frustrating situation.

Why Andrew’s Reaction Was So Meaningful to Me

Andrew’s reaction stood out because he made the effort to understand my perspective. He didn’t have to agree with everything I said, but he acknowledged the emotional effort I had invested in the essay. By responding with kindness and respect, he validated my experience and demonstrated the kind of empathy that strengthens friendships.

 This level of support means a lot to me because it goes beyond simply “taking sides” or agreeing with me. Andrew showed me that he respects my feelings, even when they’re complex or centered around something he may not fully relate to. This is the kind of support that fosters trust and intimacy in a friendship, reminding me that I can be open and vulnerable without fear of being dismissed or ridiculed.

The Importance of Empathy and Support in Friendships

Andrew’s reaction highlights a broader lesson about the role of empathy in friendships. Having friends who can listen, understand, and support us through our challenges, even small ones, adds immeasurable value to our lives. Empathy is what allows us to feel comfortable sharing our thoughts and feelings, knowing we’ll be met with understanding rather than judgment.

In contrast, Lucas’s reaction served as a reminder that dismissive attitudes can undermine even strong friendships. By failing to acknowledge the impact of his actions, he created a barrier between us that’s hard to overlook. Friendships are built on trust and respect, and without empathy, those foundations become shaky. The frustration I felt from Lucas’s disregard for my essay wasn’t just about the game— it

was about the lack of empathy and understanding that are so essential to meaningful connections. Lessons Learned: Recognizing True Friendships

Reflecting on both Andrew’s and Lucas’s reactions has taught me an important lesson about recognizing true friendships. True friends are those who respect our emotions and treat our vulnerabilities with care. They don’t have to agree with us all the time, but they do need to show understanding and empathy. Andrew’s response reassured me that I have a friend who values our connection and respects my feelings, no matter how trivial the issue might seem.

On the other hand, Lucas’s behavior made me reconsider the nature of our friendship. While he may still be a friend, his reaction showed me that he might not fully appreciate the importance of empathy in our relationship. This experience has taught me that friendships should be built on mutual respect and understanding, and that it’s okay to expect a certain level of empathy from those we trust.

Moving Forward: Embracing Supportive Connections

Going forward, I plan to nurture friendships like the one I have with Andrew. His response reminded me that there are people in my life who genuinely care about my feelings and are willing to offer support, even when the situation might seem insignificant to them. These are the connections that bring joy and fulfillment, the ones that make me feel valued and understood.

As for Lucas, this experience has helped me recognize the limitations of our friendship. While I can still appreciate the fun and shared experiences we have, I also know that I may need to set boundaries and adjust my expectations. Not every friendship will offer the same level of support and empathy, and that’s okay. By focusing on those who truly care, like Andrew, I can cultivate friendships that bring me happiness and fulfillment.

Conclusion: Finding Joy in Supportive Friendships

In the end, the joy I feel from Andrew’s reaction and the frustration I experienced with Lucas highlight the importance of empathy, respect, and understanding in friendships. Andrew’s response brought me happiness because it showed me that he genuinely cares about my feelings, validating the time and effort I put into expressing myself through my essay. Lucas’s reaction, by contrast, reminded me that not everyone will respond with the same level of empathy—and that’s okay. This experience has taught me to value the friendships that offer genuine support and to seek out connections that enrich my life. Friendships, ultimately, are about finding people who bring out the best in us, who respect our feelings, and who offer us the space to be ourselves without fear of judgment. The happiness I felt from Andrew’s response has given me a renewed appreciation for these qualities, reminding me of the kind of friendships I want to prioritize.

Chapter 8 - Expressing boundaries

Expressing Boundaries: Why I Told Lucas to Back Off After Losing on My Valorant Account Friendships thrive on trust, mutual respect, and an understanding of each other’s boundaries. In some cases, a friend may unknowingly or even knowingly push those boundaries, leading to frustration and the need to address the issue directly. Recently, I found myself in a situation that highlighted the importance of setting boundaries when my friend Lucas played on my Valorant account and, despite assurances, lost several games. Valorant isn’t just a casual pastime for me; it’s a competitive game that

I’ve invested time and energy into, striving to improve my rank. While I trusted Lucas to handle my account with the same care, his behavior, both during the games and afterward, left me feeling betrayed and frustrated.

This essay delves into the reasons why I felt compelled to tell Lucas to back off after he failed to respect the trust I placed in him. By examining the significance of personal investment in hobbies, the importance of boundaries in friendships, and how Lucas’s reaction disregarded my expectations, I aim to explain why setting a firm boundary was necessary. This experience has taught me valuable lessons about trust, accountability, and the need to protect my interests—even if that means being direct with a friend.

The Importance of Valorant and Personal Investment in Hobbies and being a friend

For many of us, hobbies are more than just ways to pass the time. They can be sources of personal pride, social engagement, and opportunities for growth. Valorant, a game known for its steep learning curve and competitive nature, is something I’ve dedicated significant time to. Reaching and maintaining a high rank in Valorant requires not only skill but also a mental commitment. Every match impacts my overall rank, and each win or loss holds weight.

When I invited Lucas to play on my account, it wasn’t a lighthearted decision. I wanted to share an aspect of my life that I care deeply about, assuming he would understand and respect the value it holds for me. By trusting him with my account, I was giving him access to something that represented hours of hard work, discipline, and personal achievement. Unfortunately, Lucas’s actions didn’t reflect the same level of respect, and his repeated losses were frustrating because they directly affected my hard-earned rank. This experience reminded me that hobbies, even when recreational, deserve respect and consideration from others, especially friends.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations: Why Trust Matters

Trust is an essential component of any friendship. In this case, I trusted Lucas to play on my account with the same level of care that I would have exercised. This trust was based on the expectation that he understood how much my rank meant to me and that he would strive to maintain it. Before he even began playing, I made it clear that my rank was important and that I wanted him to play cautiously. This

conversation wasn’t about being overly controlling but rather about setting boundaries and communicating expectations.

Unfortunately, Lucas’s attitude and subsequent performance showed a lack of respect for those boundaries. By disregarding my request to play carefully, he not only ignored my expectations but also dismissed the significance I placed on my Valorant progress. When we set boundaries in friendships, it’s because we want to protect what’s important to us, whether it’s our time, energy, or achievements. When those boundaries are ignored, it feels like a betrayal of trust, and in this case, it was both disappointing and frustrating. Telling Lucas to back off was my way of reinforcing my boundaries and expressing my frustration with his disregard for them.

The Frustration of Watching Someone Disregard Your Efforts

One of the hardest aspects of this experience was watching Lucas’s losses pile up and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Knowing that each defeat was undoing my hard work was incredibly frustrating. It wasn’t just about losing rank; it was about watching someone handle something important to me with apparent carelessness. Rather than treating the games with the seriousness I had asked for, Lucas seemed to brush off each loss, as if the outcome didn’t matter.

This lack of accountability amplified my frustration. While I can accept that everyone has off days, Lucas’s attitude toward the losses was cavalier. There was no acknowledgment of the impact his actions had on me, and he offered no apology or attempt to make amends. Instead, he dismissed my concerns, which only made me feel that my hard work was trivialized. This disregard for my efforts, combined with his lack of accountability, made it clear that I needed to confront him directly and assert my boundaries.

The Impact of Disrespect and the Importance of Confrontation

 Lucas’s reaction to my frustration added an entirely new layer to the situation. Rather than showing understanding or attempting to empathize, he brushed off my concerns as if they were overreactions. His dismissive attitude only deepened my frustration and disappointment, as it suggested that he didn’t take my feelings seriously. By ignoring my disappointment, Lucas was essentially disregarding the value of my time, effort, and emotional investment.

Confronting Lucas was necessary not only to address my feelings but also to make it clear that his actions had real consequences. Telling him to back off wasn’t about lashing out or being overly dramatic; it was about defending my boundaries and reminding him of the respect that friendships should include. Sometimes, setting firm boundaries is the only way to convey the seriousness of a situation. In this case, my direct response was meant to communicate that his actions had crossed a line and that my trust had been affected.

Lessons Learned: Trust, Boundaries, and Respect in Friendships

This experience has taught me several important lessons about trust, boundaries, and respect in friendships. First and foremost, it reinforced the importance of choosing carefully when sharing something personal, even with friends. While trust is essential, it’s also important to recognize that not everyone will approach things with the same level of respect and understanding. Moving forward, I know to be more discerning about who I allow into aspects of my life that are important to me. Additionally, this situation has shown me that setting boundaries is not only acceptable but necessary. Boundaries protect our interests and ensure that others respect what we value. Had I not spoken up and confronted Lucas, I would have allowed my frustration to fester, potentially harming our friendship in the long run. By addressing the issue directly, I was able to assert my needs and express my disappointment in a way that hopefully made Lucas understand the impact of his actions.

Moving Forward: Establishing Boundaries and Maintaining Respect

As I move forward from this experience, I plan to be more vocal about my boundaries and expectations in friendships. This isn’t about creating unnecessary conflict but rather about ensuring that my interests are respected. While I still value my friendship with Lucas, this experience has made me realize that I need to be clear about my boundaries to prevent future misunderstandings and disappointments. Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away; it’s about creating a foundation of respect and understanding that allows friendships to thrive.

I also plan to approach trust with a greater degree of caution. Trust is earned and should be given to those who demonstrate a willingness to respect our boundaries and values. By being more selective about who I trust, I can ensure that my interests are safeguarded and that my relationships are built on mutual respect.

Conclusion: Why Setting Boundaries Is Essential in Friendships

In conclusion, my decision to confront Lucas and tell him to back off was about protecting my boundaries and asserting my worth in our friendship. Lucas’s actions, while perhaps unintended, showed a lack of respect for my time, effort, and trust. By dismissing my concerns and failing to take accountability for his behavior, he crossed a line that left me feeling both frustrated and devalued. My response was a way of reaffirming my boundaries and making it clear that respect is a two-way street. This experience has taught me the importance of setting boundaries and the necessity of confronting friends when they fail to respect them. Friendships are valuable and should be nurtured with care and understanding, but they also require a foundation of mutual respect. By choosing to stand up for my interests and communicate my disappointment directly, I have taken a step toward building friendships that honor both my values and the values of those I care about. In the end, telling Lucas to back off was a reminder that, in any relationship, respect for one another’s boundaries is essential to maintaining a meaningful and fulfilling connection.

In the realm of competitive gaming, the dynamics of friendship and shared experiences can often lead to unexpected tensions. My recent experience with my friend Bryce, who allowed me to play on his Valorant account, serves as a case in point. While his decision to share his account was generous, his subsequent criticism after I lost two matches raises important questions about expectations, accountability, and the nature of friendship in competitive environments.

First and foremost, it is essential to recognize the context in which Bryce allowed me to play on his account. By granting me access, he implicitly accepted the risk associated with my performance. In competitive gaming, losses are inevitable, and no player is immune to the whims of chance, team dynamics, or individual skill disparities. Thus, expecting me to uphold his rank without considering my own experience level and the inherent unpredictability of matches is fundamentally unfair. When Bryce criticized me for losing two games, it disregarded the reality of gaming—where losses can happen to anyone, regardless of skill.

Moreover, Bryce's reaction reveals a deeper issue: the pressure placed on players to protect their rankings at all costs. Competitive games, including Valorant, are designed to challenge players, but they also encourage camaraderie and mutual support among friends. Slandering a friend for performing poorly undermines the very essence of this camaraderie. Instead of fostering a supportive environment, Bryce's insults only served to alienate me and diminish the enjoyment we should both derive from the game. In moments of frustration, it is crucial for friends to oJer constructive criticism rather than resorting to insults, which can damage relationships.

Additionally, Bryce's criticism seemed to imply that my performance somehow nullified his eJorts and dedication to the game. This perspective is flawed; my losses do not diminish the hard work he has put into improving his skills and climbing the ranks. Rather than viewing our gaming experiences as separate entities, Bryce could benefit from recognizing that sharing an account should be an opportunity for growth and understanding. By fostering a collaborative spirit, we could both learn from our mistakes and support each other's journeys in Valorant.

Furthermore, Bryce's reaction highlights a broader issue in competitive gaming culture: the emphasis on rank and performance over the enjoyment of the game itself. Gaming should be a source of joy, camaraderie, and shared experiences, yet the focus on maintaining a specific rank can create unnecessary stress and tension. When friends allow one another to play on their accounts, it should be understood that the intent is to share enjoyment, not merely to safeguard personal achievements. Criticizing a friend for playing diJerently undermines this fundamental purpose and can discourage future collaborations.

In conclusion, while I respect Bryce's commitment to Valorant and the eJort he has invested in his rank, his reaction to my performance raises important issues about friendship, accountability, and the nature of competition. Instead of resorting to criticism and insults, it would be more productive for us to approach our gaming experiences with a mindset of support and understanding. After all, the essence of gaming lies not in the rank achieved but in the shared moments of laughter, learning, and growth we experience together. By fostering a more positive environment, we can both enjoy the game while respecting each other's individual journeys.

Epilogue: A Bitter Farewell

The screen flickered to black, the final echo of defeat ringing through the digital silence. Lucas, once a valued teammate, had succumbed to the weight of his own arrogance. His words, laced with disrespect, had severed the bond we had forged.

As I signed off, a bitter taste lingered. The game, a mere vessel for our camaraderie, had become a battleground of egos. I couldn't bear to witness the transformation of a friend into a foe.

With a heavy heart, I typed my final message: "Your disrespect has cost you more than just this game. Farewell."

And with that, I closed the chapter on a friendship tainted by toxicity. The future, uncertain and bleak, lay ahead. Yet, as I turned away from the screen, a glimmer of hope ignited. Perhaps, in the vast expanse of the digital realm, I would find new allies, new battles, and a renewed sense of purpose.